


Not Actually Homophobic

by myaleclightwood



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Raphael and Simon are roommates, Raphael has a gay crisis, that is wrapped in a homophobia crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 11:12:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7047238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myaleclightwood/pseuds/myaleclightwood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael was extremely confused. Extremely. He didn’t understand this. He had never felt this before, and yet here he was, feeling it and he didn’t know where it was coming from. But it was here and now he had to deal with the fact that he was apparently homophobic because the sight of seeing his roommate kissing another boy made him want to vomit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Actually Homophobic

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off of [this post](http://mymalecshinesbright.tumblr.com/post/145170511550/surprisebitch-heres-the-link-to-the-full-article). I read it and I knew it had to be Saphael'ed. I have no regrets.

Raphael was extremely confused. Extremely. He didn’t understand this. He had never felt this before, and yet here he was, feeling it and he didn’t know where it was coming from. But it was here and now he had to deal with the fact that he was apparently homophobic because the sight of seeing his roommate kissing another boy made him want to vomit.

It honestly all start back in freshman year when he became friends with the boy across the hall, Simon Lewis. Both of them had absolutely horrid roommates, Simon’s grew pot on their balcony and Raphael’s was a jock who apparently didn’t know what a shower was, so when it came time to pick housing for sophomore year, they jumped on the chance to room together. They’d bonded over their awful roommates and discovered they had plenty in common to become good friends. They knew they’d be awesome roommates, and they really were! They had a system down so that if one of them found someone to hook up, the other didn’t have to walk into the dormroom and see it and everything worked out so well they decided to room together again junior year, this time deciding on renting an apartment together instead of living in a dormroom. They were both very excited to have their own space for once. But that’s when Raphael started finding out about these new _feelings_.

Simon had been open since the beginning about his sexuality. He was gay, out and proud, and he didn’t care what others thought about him for that. Raphael respected him for that, and respected him even more sophomore year when Simon worked so hard to make sure Raphael knew that Simon didn’t have a thing for him and that the straight ace boy didn’t have to worry about any of the horrible rumors floating around about rooming with a gay boy. And Raphael had just laughed and said that so long as he didn’t have to see or hear the sex, he didn’t care. He knew Simon would respect his boundaries, and Raphael had always done the same so he honestly did not understand what in the world was going on!

He tried to figure out his feelings for weeks after walking in on Simon and his newest boy making out on the couch and immediately feeling like he needed to vomit, but he had gotten nowhere so now he was off to find Lily, his best friend. She’d know what to do.

Lily lived in an apartment on the other side of campus, so Raphael left for there after Simon left for class, having spent the last two weeks avoiding his roommate. She opened the door with a smile and the start of a joke before she saw Raphael’s face.

“Raph?” She asked. “You okay?”

“I’m confused,” he declared. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well you better come in then.” Lily stood aside, gesturing him inside. “Maia’s at class all morning so we’ve got plenty of time to talk about whatever this is.”

Raphael nodded, walking in and heading straight for the fridge to get a beer.

“You’re drinking?” Lily asked in shock. “Okay this must be bad. Sit down and let’s talk.”

Raphael sighed. “Lily, am I homophobic?”

Lily stared at him. “What?”

“Am I homophobic? Do I seem like I am?”

“Okay what brought this on?” Lily demanded. “You literally live with a gay guy, Raph. I think you’d know if you were homophobic. So what happened? What started this? Did someone say something?”

“No I just-I walked in on Simon and his new guy the other day making out on the couch and I felt like I wanted to throw up.” Raphael explained. “And that has never happened before and I’ve seen him kiss guys before but it’s never been like this and I don’t know what’s going on.”

Lily sighed. “Okay. How did Simon react?”

“Well I went straight to my room and I guess he sent the guy home because he came in talk to me soon after.”

“What did he say?”

“He was super-embarrassed because we’ve always had the rule of no sex if the other is home and he thought I was going to be gone longer but I told him it was fine because I was embarrassed too and that we should just forget but god Lily I can’t forget. I felt like my stomach rolled in my abdomen when I saw them and I don’t know what it means.”

Lily smiled slyly. “Raph, I don’t think you need to worry about being homophobic.”

“I don’t?”

“No.” Lily told him. “But I do think you need to talk to Simon about this.”

“Why?!” Raphael exclaimed. “I don’t want him to know I’m homophobic!”

“You are not homophobic!” Lily shouted. “You are best friends with me and you don’t care that Maia and I fuck all the time and you don’t care that Izzy has had boyfriends and girlfriends and occasionally both at the same time for two years and you definitely don’t care that Magnus is dating Alec other than the fact that you threatened to behead Alec if he ever hurt your foster brother. You are surrounded by gays, Raph. You are not homophobic. But you need to talk to Simon about this, before he starts to notice this sudden change in your feelings and it makes living together awkward.”

Raphael sighed. “I think it already has.”

“How?”

“We got in an argument a couple weeks ago. I’ve been avoiding him ever since.”

Lily sighed. “What happened?”

Raphael told her.

_Raphael was glad to be home. He and Simon had plans to hang out tonight and watch a movie together and probably stay up way to late playing video games but it was going to be just the thing he needs right now to relax after a truly awful day._

_He unlocked the door and opened it up, mouth open to call out to Simon but the words caught in his throat at the sight of another guy standing in their entryway._

_“Hello.” Raphael said cooly._

_“Hey.” The guy smiled. “You must be Raphael, Simon’s roommate. He mentioned you’d be coming home soon.”_

_“That’s great.” Raphael gave a hard smile. “You’re Simon’s newest one-week stand? He hasn’t mentioned you.”_

_“Raph!” Simon exclaimed, coming out of the kitchen. “I’m sorry Mike, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”_

_“It’s fine, Simon. I know what school can do to some people.” Mike smiled. “I’ll see you later, okay?”_

_“I’ll call you.” Simon agreed with a smile._

_Mike left with another grin, brushing past a still scowling Raphael._

_“And just what the fuck was that?” Simon demanded when Mike was gone._

_“I don’t-”_

_“No. Shut up.” Simon cut him off. “Do you suddenly have a problem with me fucking guys in our flat? The one I pay half the rent for?”_

_“Of course not!” Raphael exclaimed._

_“Because if you do,” Simon continued, ignoring Raphael’s answer. “You are in seriously no place to judge after the fuckbuddy deal you and Magnus had going before he got with Alec that I had to walk in on_ multiple _times.”_

_“Simon, I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve just had a long day and I’m a little high-strung. I don’t care who you sleep with so long as you’re happy.”_

_Simon scowled. “Whatever. I’m going over to Jace’s so I don’t kill you.”_

_“Okay.” Raphael sighed. “I’ll see you later then?”_

_“And you’re totally fine with me sleeping with him so long as I do it there and not here, right?” Simon snarked, ignoring Raphael’s question._

_“It’s none of my business who you sleep with.” Raphael grit out, ignoring the way his stomach tied itself into knots at his words. Jace was an asshole. He didn’t deserve Simon._

_Simon just swore at him and stormed out of the flat, slamming the door shut behind him._

_Raphael sighed and sat down on the couch, praying that Simon would calm down and come back in time for their dinner and a movie plans. He never did. Raphael didn’t know why that hurt so much_.

“Wow.” Lily was shocked.

“And I’ve been avoiding him ever since.” Raphael admitted, bowing his head. “But I miss hanging out with him and I just want my friend back.”

“Are you sure you want him back as just a friend?” Lily asked.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Raph, it sounds like you’re jealous.”

“Why the fuck would I be jealous of Simon’s sex life? I don’t want that kind of life.” Raphael reminded her. “If I’m going to fuck someone it’s going to be someone I love, not some idiot called Mike from Chem class.”

“Raph, darling, I love you, but you’re an idiot.” Lily told him.

“What? Why?” Raphael demanded. “What did I do?”

“Raphael, you’re not jealous of Simon for having a sex life, you’re jealous of the guys he has sex with because you want to date him.” Lily explained as slowly and explicitly as she could. “You. Have a crush. On Simon. Your roommate. And from what it sounds like, he likes you just as much and has been trying to make you jealous all year by bringing all these guys back to the apartment but not keeping them around long enough to get serious with any of them.”

Raphael stared at her. “What.”

***

It took Raphaela week to wrap his head around everything that Lily opened his eyes to that day. He liked his roommate. He liked Simon. He liked his roommate, Simon. Simon most likely liked him back. It was a lot for someone who formerly identified as straight to wrap his head around. But it was true. He liked Simon. He wanted to date Simon. He wasn’t homophobic. In fact, the truth was the exact opposite. He was jealous because he wanted to date Simon. Now he just had to figure out how to tell Simon.

He meant to do it nicely. He was going to make dinner for them both and tell Simon calmly, making sure Simon’s mouth wasn’t full when he did so to ensure that the other boy wouldn’t choke. But that is not how it happened. Instead, Raphael managed to blurt it out in the middle of a Tarantino marathon. Because nothing says ‘date me please’ than graphic violence.

“I’m sorry.” Raphael blurted out.

Simon looked at him, confused. “What?”

“I’m sorry I was so mean to Mike. I was having a bad day and then I was jealous and I just snapped.”

“Jealous?” Simon smirked. “Raph, you’ll find someone someday that you connect to and I have no doubt you’ll have just as much sex as me. And you’re gorgeous and kind so you’re bound to find someone soon.” Simon looked a little awkward with this conversation, but he was trying to be encouraging.

“I-I already did?” Raphael stuttered. “That-That’s why I was jealous?”

Simon stiffened. “Oh. Well then why are you jealous?”

“Because I didn’t want you to date Mike.” Raphael said quickly. “I wanted you to be with me.”

Simon froze. “What?”

Raphael explained quickly. “It started this year really. I had never had this problem before but whenever I saw you kissing or cuddling or being with one of your, uh, dates I got really disgusted and uncomfortable and I didn’t know why. After what happened with Mike, I figured I had to be feeling some sort of like latent homophobia thing that just took time to develop which would really awkward seeing as how many of our friends are gay or bi or pan or not straight in other ways and so I went and talked to Lily about it and apparently I was uncomfortable because I was jealous not because I’m homophobic?” Raphael smiled shakily when he finished, breathing deeply after rambling for so long.

Simon stared at him for a long moment before grabbing the remote and pausing the movie. “Okay. So you like me?”

Raphael nodded. “And Lily said that I should tell you because she thought you might like me back?”

Simon smiled. “And if I do?”

“Then maybe we could try being more than just roommates?” Raphael asked, hopeful and terrified.

“Okay.” Simon smiled.

“Wait, what?”

“Okay.” Simon nodded. “Let’s try.”

“Wait, are you serious?”

Simon grinned. “Raph, I’ve liked you for _years_. Literally. I fell for you freshman year when you punched that guy in the face for calling me a fag. I honestly cannot believe you thought you were homophobic after that by the way. I’ve been trying to get over you this year but none of the guys I tried to date could even compare to you so none of them really lasted all that long.” Simon smirked. “Guess I was just waiting for you, huh?”

Raphael smiled. “Well I figured it out now.”

“Yes you did.” Simon laughed. “We’ll go slow with this seeing as this is all extremely new to you, but I would really love to hug you right now, so can I do that?”

Raphael nodded.

Simon moved slowly, so as to not make Raphael panic, as he moved the popcorn bowl from between them and slid across the couch to get close to him. Simon slid his arms around Raphael and rested his head on his roommate’s, now maybe boyfriend?, chest with a happy sigh. “This okay?”

Raphael nodded. “Very.”

“Good.” Simon smiled. “Tell me if it changes.”

“Okay.” Raphael grinned, loving Simon’s obvious care for his boundaries.

***

The next day Lily laughed when she read the text from Raphael that had interrupted her cuddle session with Maia.

“What?” Maia asked, curious.

Lily showed her girlfriend the phone and Maia laughed. “Bout time the pair of them figured it out.”

Lily rolled her eyes and tossed the phone aside with a glint in her eyes. “And about time we got our count even, don’t you think?”

Maia just laughed and opened her arms to welcome her girlfriend back to bed, happy that their friends were happy.

 

_“Apparently I don’t have any problem with Simon kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Come rant about Saphael or Malec with me on [tumblr](http://mymalecshinesbright.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
